Okay – just admit it. We’ve all experienced one of THOSE days. You know what I’m talking about.
They usually occur on a Monday, when you walk into the office and realize that the nice, neat, meticulous plans you had for your workday have exploded into a storm of broken everythings. Maybe a co-worker has called in sick, and you have to figure out how to step in as support for the day. Or the computer systems, usually steady and reliable companions, have revolted in what is sure to be the precursor to a full-fledged SkyNet takeover.
Maybe just getting to work is more than you want to handle. Flat tire, screaming toddlers who prefer to be naked, or an alarm clock that is just annoying enough to hit snooze, but not enough to actually wake you up in time for a shower–all of these things can really make you hate your job.
The heroine of Never Deal with Dragons, Myrna Banks, completely understands how you feel. Because she has one of THOSE days every day. For example, here’s a brief look at a recent morning at Myrna’s place of employment:
It’s amazing how often my day starts with a three legged dragon and an enraged dairy farmer. I stood, clad in a set of knee-high muck boots and a brand new pencil skirt, and tried to restore some order to my first appointment of the day, an encounter involving a very hungry dragon and the dairy farmer whose cattle had been unfortunate enough to be within grabbing distance at meal time.
“It was j-j-just a l-little sn-sn-snack!! My doctor’s appointment took way l-longer than it was supposed to and I was h-h-hungry!” The floor literally shook with the dragon’s sobs. Isiwyth Armatoth, lovely purple dragon and niece of our nation’s dragon lord, balanced atop a thick wooden beam that served as the room’s sole dragon perch. Her birdlike claws contracted rhythmically with tension as she tried to explain herself through tear-induced hiccups. Mrs. Isiwyth Armatoth was a mess.
And so was my office. The cattle hadn’t all hit the floor when Isiwyth lost her lunch. Instead, their mangled remains had landed dead center of my sturdy wooden desk, and were currently dripping a mixture of saliva, blood and stomach acid onto the small space heater I used to warm my toes while riffling through paperwork. The noxious fumes were probably permeating the entire building at this point.
My coworkers loved me.
So to all of you out there who managed to survive the latest Monday, congratulations! And remember, life isn’t so bad. Those stacks of papers could have been a two ton dragon suffering from morning sickness.
Anyone have a story that COULD rival Myrna’s for the worst workday ever? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!
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A native of Eastern Oklahoma, Lorenda lives with her husband and two sons in a house that feels far too small during the stay-inside winter months. Lorenda loves chocolate, hates snakes, and despite living two years in Bangalore next-door to a native preparer of Indian cuisine, cannot cook anything but ground beef. She is a recovering nail biter, and is currently celebrating five years bite-free.
Purchase Never Deal with Dragons – Carina Press , Amazon , Barnes & Noble or your preferred ebook vendor.
When she’s not dealing with her own Mondays, you can find her on Twitter on Facebook or on her website @ lorendac.com